Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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