I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
