guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
