I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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