I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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