God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
