I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The uberlube is also flammable
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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