If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
