but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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