Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
