so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize
