Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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