Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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