i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
