You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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