The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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