I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
