I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
