I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize