it hurts more in the daytime
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
