Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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