i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
