I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
