Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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