You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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