I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
