yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
