Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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