I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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