We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
