JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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