True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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