oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
