I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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