Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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