i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
