Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
