Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this just has baby written all over it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
