I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
