belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
40s are totally the cure
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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