I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
