dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My ass is underappreciated
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
