stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
