Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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