in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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