absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
