I cockslap morals
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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