put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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