Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
