Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
