Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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