I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
