Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its liver damage thursday
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