I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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