Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
