We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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