first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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