I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
