this beer tastes like vomit already
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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