They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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