yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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