I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
