Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
