hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
