OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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