No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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