Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
