I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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