That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize