what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
